Lady Lazarus: Quest for Brilliance

Fini

2008-07-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

I think pretty much everyone has heard by now, but I'll go ahead and post about it anyway. My thesis is officially defended and approved. Monday, June 30, after 18-months (that's right--this thing is two months younger than Lili) of writing, rewriting, freaking out, fighting writers block, fighting proofreaders and editors, and yes, occasionally cursing, Mom, Liliana, and I drove down to Alpine with a paper box full of my thesis.

My actual defense was set from 10:45 to 11:30 a.m., but we left more time than we needed to get there. So to kill time I went over to the Cashiers to pay for graduation. It was so silly--$20 to graduate, $10 because I filed yet, and $20 because I wasn't acutally going to be there. That last one kills me. What exactly is my not coming costing them? If anything I would think I would be saving them some punch and cookies. But whatever. While at the Cashier's Office I told them that I would need to pay for a thesis binding as well and asked if I could do that now. They acted like I asked them to change my oil.

I still had time left, so I went to my Dean's office, which is, of course, all the way across campus. And because every story needs drama, it was pouring rain. I ran into the building and met with teh secretary, who gave me some paperwork to fill out and told me to come back after my defense with my signed approval sheets, my reciept from the Cashier saying I'd paid for the binding (!) and the four mandatory copies of my thesis. Then she told me that I would need to put each copy in its own manila folder. I think I actually laughed at her. At 215 pages, my thesis was not fitting in an envelope. I told her about the paper box in my trunk, but she said as long as they were separated it was okay. Score one for working in publications for the past three years--I had already separated them with colored cardstock.

By then it was time for my defense. I went to Dr. Hileman's office and she was very nice and told me I should be very proud of my work. I told her I was, but mostly I was just tired and ready to be done. Of course I forgot the approval sheets in the car, so I had to run back out in the rain to get them. We moved into the writing lab where my other committee members showed up. The actual defense was pretty short--they asked me some questions, I gave random, not necessarily brilliant answers. The whole thing just seemed really pointless--we all knew they were approving it or they wouldn't have made me drive down. At one point I even warned them that I would burst into tears if they didn't. Of course they did, although there was a big to do because at least one signature on the approval pages had to be in blue (to prove it is an original). Dr. Nelson asked about using turquoise, but I told her if that caused it to be format rejected I would hold her personally responsible. We all laughed and they complimented my work and my weight loss (which is always nice), congratulated me on my new job, and wished me well. The whole thing took maybe twenty-five minutes.

I paid off the Cashier, who acted like I should have paid for my thesis the last time I was in. Hello? That's what I was trying to do. By box o'thesis and all my other paper work got dropped off at the Dean's office and after a quick diaper change, we were on our way back to Midland.

The annoying thing is, the whole thing could have been done over the phone and paid for by mail. Sigh. I hate bueracracy (I know I'm in the wrong profession to avoid that).

It still hasn't really sunk in--I keep waiting for the "BUT" phone call. However, my transcript reflects the completion, so I guess they've tortured me enough.

So what now?

Well, in less than a month my contract starts as an English Instructor at Howard College. I will be teaching Freshman composition and possibly sophomore level classes if I do well this first year. The commute to Big Spring isn't ideal--45 minutes door to door, but even taking gas into consideration, it's still more money and it's doing what I want to do.

They seem really excited to have me--when I went to sign my paperwork I was introduced to what seemed like half the campus and everyone was so nice. Plus, my office is HUGE and has a window. Mom is so jealous.

So I guess this blog will now be transforming into a chronicle of my teaching experience, at least until I start my PhD in two years. Then, who knows.

Thanks everyone for your support over the past 18 months. I hope you'll continue to check in on the next part of my journey.

Amber

Nail Biting

2008-06-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

As my advisor, Dr. Hileman keeps telling me, take heart; the end is near!

Earlier this week the English division secretary scanned in all the pages with corrections for me to fix. I almost threw up when I saw how many pages there were, but then I saw there was usually just one tiny thing on each page, like a missed comma. I think it speaks volumes about how arduous proofing and editing are that it has taken four people, three of which have PhDs five drafts to finally get everything cleaned up and I bet there are still errors.

The thesis is now being passed on to the College of Arts and Sciences theses reader, who will check my formatting and undoubtedly find more errors. After that I think I am ready to print.

My current burden is that sometime the week of June 23 I am supposed to defend this thing. The problem is, I have no idea how to prepare or exactly what the defense will be like. I mean, at this point it's not exactly something the committee hasn't seen before. It is basically their creation channeled through me. If they don't like it, it's their own faults. There is one issue they brought up that I said no to, but aside from that I have done pretty much everything they asked.

I have emailed Dr. Hileman for help as to how to prepare, but she hasn't sent any my way. I have this sinking fear that it's going to be like the MA Exam where they tell me one thing and then do the opposite. Maybe they'll just pass me out of pity.

My interview with Howard College last week went really well. I had a good report with the interview committee and my sample lesson went pretty well. They were also impressed that I provided them with things like a complete lesson plan and writing samples. I just don't have that much experience. I did make a point to send them all thank you notes, so hopefully that will help as well. Do as much as you can and hope for the best, I suppose. I should hear back from them in the next few weeks, but even if I didn't get it, I wouldn't do anything differently about the interview. They asked me questions during the lesson and the answers were right there. It was so great to actually have a really good idea of what I was talking about and to actually teach them something. It felt good.

I have applied for another teaching position at Odessa College that just opened up, but I probably won't hear from them for a bit if they decide to interview me. If nothing works out, I guess I'll just try to teach adjunct, gaining some experience, and hoping for something else to open up. There is nothing wrong with that option, although it will take away even more from my time with Lilibug.

So fingers crossed for whatever may come. In the end I am actually pleased with my work, although I told Staylee the other day that I don't even want to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail for six months, I'm so done with Arthurian Literature.

Revise? Rewrite? You Decide!

2008-05-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

As often happens when things get busy, I have fallen into silence about this subject over the past few months. Which is not to say I haven't been working on it--sometimes I feel like it has taken over much of my life. So here's a little history before I update where I am now.

Right before school let out for the semester in December I emailed the requested revisions and another two chapters to my advisor. She promised they would read them over the holidays and get them back to me.

What arrived in late January was a massacre: things that had been fine were now problems, entire chapters needed to be restructured, and worst of all--they suggested I rewrite the entire thing from a different point of view. For those not up on your English point of view, its the difference between, "I looked at her and felt my blood boil" and "Jillian looked at her mother and felt her blood boil." Simple to change, right? Not so much. It's much more difficult than just switching pronouns. To say I was angry and frustrated is an understatement.

I refused to even look at it for a week, all the while venting to some of my friends. I wanted to give up and just take the extra classes. But I didn't partly due to the money it would cost, but mostly due to my stubbornness. In the beginning Dr. Hileman had told me that I didn't have to finish if I didn't want to, I could always take the classes. I looked back and they haven't had a thesis written since 2002. I felt like they were setting me up to fail. I think perhaps one of the worst comments I got was that my work was "readable." Now while I would argue that the purpose of literature it be read, what she meant was it was common and not scholarly. Ouch.

After I calmed down and got over my wounded pride, I took a long, hard look at the work. I decided to rewrite the work in third person for several reasons: it would be a good exercise for me and if it didn't work the committee couldn't say I didn't try. So I set about the laborious task of rewriting. By the beginning of March I had fixed all the original chapters and started working on the second section, but was nowhere near finishing.

When Grandpa had his stroke at the beginning of March my thesis sort of flew out of my head. I didn't even think about it for weeks. And then something strange happened. The Monday after Easter I just had this weird feeling that I needed to finish it. I don't know why. I started pushing myself, working hard, long hours. The pages poured out, sometimes easily and sometimes with great difficulty. I wrote close to 100 pages in four days. Friday morning I finished and proofed it for content and basic format. Normally I would have waited until Monday afternoon to send it off, letting it sit for the weekend so I could look at it with fresh eyes, but I felt like I couldn't wait. I just needed to send it off. That Friday night when I went to visit Grandpa I told him that I had finished and he seemed happy (well as best I could tell at that point). Grandpa had always been one of my biggest champions as I worked on this project. That was actually the last time I saw him and one of the last things I told him. And as we know, he passed away that Sunday. So you can take it as you want--maybe I needed the distraction, maybe I needed a creative outlet, maybe I just sensed what was coming.

I sent it off and began the waiting process, although I was so distracted by other things I didn't really notice. I went to work writing my introduction and then sent that off. My advisor emailed it back two days later with corrections and told me the bulk of it was still being read, but that it was very good. It arrived last Friday with only a few minor issues that I was able to fix by Monday. My main issue at the moment is formatting. They forgot to give me the formatting guide until about two weeks ago, so I've been working with that. Because of the unique nature of my thesis I have several questions that I'm waiting to hear back on. As soon as those are answered, I can fix my Table of Contents and then I'm done.

My defense is set for sometime in early June and I will officially graduate in August. So that's where I stand.

I have to say, going back over the latter part of the work, the stuff written during those four days, I think some of it is some of the best work I have ever done. The writing is strong, there are ideological questions to consider, the character work is well developed, and the action scenes (one of my weaknesses) are believable while still being interesting. There is a sword fight in there that would make my Stage Combat teacher proud.

So that's where things stand. I'm not sure what to expect from the defense. Hopefully they will give me a better idea in the coming weeks. I'll update once I have a go and a date on the defense.

Musings

2007-11-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

Revise, revise, revise. That's been my primary refrain these days. After putting my thesis aside for several weeks, I have picked up again with a renewed vigor. Part of inspiration came in studying for the creative writing essay. I took the time to reread Eudora Welty, Madison Smart-Bell, and John Gardner. All three have different ways of approaching creative writing, but all three have similar themes.

The area I have found them most helpful in is in setting. Sense of place has always been a weakness of mine. Character is my strong suit--I think it comes from years of analyzing character and creating details and motivation in studying theatre and preparing for roles. Setting, bah, that's the scenic designers job. So I am really working on layering and working with authentic details while still remaining true to the story.

At the moment I am re-crafting several dialogue passages. I generally have a good ear for dialogue (again I think it comes from theatre), but I am terrible at tags. I hate them. He said, she said, he exclaimed...bluh. So I am trying to work on them without making them trite or allowing them to draw attention to themselves.

One thing that I love about writing (and there are many things) is the ability to surprise yourself. Gardner describes it as going into a trance--when you're in the zone and you just write and write without stopping to judge. Then you go back and read it and realize that with some revision, it's not too bad. In fact, it's pretty good. I also love when my characters seem to take on a life of their own and lead me to discover something about the story I hadn't realized. The more I get to know Mordred, the more he gives me these gifts.

Another area I tend to have trouble with is sentence variation. I admit it, I love a good comma with a closing phrase. There is a drama to it. But it is also like me and diet coke--it's great once and a while, but I really need to cut back. One of my advisors suggested the use of more adverbs, but I despise adverbs. If I had one critique of JK Rowling it would be that she is a little too in love with adverbs. I especially hate them in tags, "she said cruelly." There has to be a better way to put that. So instead of sacrificing myself the sickness of adverbs, I have instead been looking at ways to intensify language while varying my sentence structure. I have been looking at Faulkner and McCarthy, the later especially, who has a gift for mixing both simple and complex sentences with great results. The goal is inspiration, not mimicry.

These are just some thoughts. I'm sure there will be more. Back to work.

Hooray!!

2007-10-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

I passed! Dr. Hileman just called to tell me that my essays were great and they were all really impressed. I am so relieved.

Liliana has the flu, so I haven't really worked on my thesis, but with the exam out of the way I am feeling more motivated. Thanks for all the prayers!

2007-10-22T09:43:00.001-07:00

Well, it's over. I'm thankful for that. The exam was really hard--all sorts of craziness. The good news is I got an email from Dr. Hileman this morning telling me I passed the multiple choice section, missing 2 questions. I'll take that! She is going to call me after the committee meets to review the essays sometime in the next week or two. Bluh. I hate the idea of waiting. The essays were really tough and I do think I may not have done as well as I could have. If that is the case, then I guess I'll just have to retake them in the spring.

Over the weekend, Dr. Hileman and I also discussed my thesis. She told me thus far my first draft has been really good considering. However, we both agree (I had secretly thought this as well) that it's not going to be ready this semester. So I am going to work to get as much done as possible, but probably I will finish in the spring. And I'm okay with that. I want it to be really good and the truth is, I can't focus all my time on it as I have a full time job and a family.

That being said, studying for the MA Exam got me really inspired to make some great improvements based on the comments I received. So this week I am diving back into my writing. Maybe that will help pass the time until I find out the results of the essay section.

Dead Girl Walking

2007-10-17T13:25:00.000-07:00

In two days I sit for my exams. I am taking off the next two days to study (some more), although also to relax and not feel rushed when we leave on Friday. At this point I'm just reviewing like crazy. I either know it or I don't. I just hope I made smart studying decisions. I just hope I can be smart. Pray for me to be smart.

Sigh.

Discovery

2007-10-10T09:22:00.001-07:00

I got an email yesterday from my advisor telling me that my first three chapters have been reviewed by the committee and are on their way home for revision. She went over the three major trouble areas in her email: some confusion with pronouns in the prologue, need for richer setting, and confusion over the epigraphs.

The first two I totally agree with. And I know how to fix the first issue with little trouble. In fact it will add another layer to the character and make it even richer. The second one I agree with, I just need to really luxuriate in scenic details, something I hadn't really allowed for.

The issue with the epigraphs I don't know that I agree with. I think they make sense in connection with the work. Dr. Hileman suggested that I just explain the connections in my introduction. But then I feel they are not successful because they shouldn't need explaining. Staylee thinks they make sense, but he's not on the committee. Perhaps I will just have to see what they say about them before I decide what to do.

The studying continues. I am so terrified of this exam. I wake up at night in fear, I have nightmares about it...it's almost paralyzing. I am so afraid I won't be prepared enough or I'll just freeze and everything I've tried to digest over the past few weeks will just leak out my ears.

In an effort to spread literature and beauty in the world, I thought I'd post some Emily Dickenson for your reading enjoyment.

SOME keep the Sabbath going to church;

I keep it staying at home,

With a bobolink for a chorister,

And an orchard for a dome.

Some keep the Sabbath in surplice;

I just wear my wings,

And instead of tolling the bell for church,

Our little sexton sings.

God preaches,—a noted clergyman,—

And the sermon is never long;

So instead of getting to heaven at last,

I ’m going all along!

Holding Pattern

2007-10-01T08:18:00.000-07:00

I have posted recently because I haven't really done that much with my thesis in a few weeks. My Masters exam is coming up October 20 and so I am studying like crazy for that. The exam is broken down into two parts--part one is several hundred questions on the reading list and part two is three essays on my specific coursework. The reading list covers American and British literature of roughly 155 works and is multiple choice. For the essay section, each instructor I have had provides an essay question from their course. I have to answer one in American Lit, one in British Lit, and one in Research and Composition.

I have been pretty diligent in my studying and am about 3/4 the way through the reading list. American is done and I am through Shakespeare in British. As for the essays, I know what my choices are for each section: Big Bend or Thoreau (American), Arthurian lit or British novel (British), and Creativing Writing or History of the English language (Research).

I made the call to go ahead and select which one I will answer without seeing the questions so I can really study three subjects rather than sort of study six. I am going to write on Thoreau, British novel, and Creative Writing. In truth, I think I could probably do pretty well with either Arthurian lit or British novel, but I have a pretty good idea of what the question will be with British novel so that makes it a good bet. We also did a sample essay test in Thoreau, so I have a feel for what the question might be like (and my sample passed--a good omen). The one I'm really stressed about it Creative writing. I emailed my professor and asked for adivce, to which she counseled that I should study the text books. Awesome.

One thing that I have loved about studying the reading list is getting to expand my literary knowledge. There are several poems and short stories that I had heard of and never read, so I have been enjoying them. Anyone looking for some fun seasonal reading I recommend "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" by Washington Irving. It's available online for free.

On to Milton.

Getting Into the Groove

2007-08-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest: when I finished my British lit class in May I had all the noble intentions in the world of spending the summer hard at work on my thesis. But I was just so worn out by school. So I read some novels for pleasure. By then it was almost time to go to China and I didn't want to get started on anything that I couldn't work on for two weeks.

After I returned from China, well, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released shortly thereafter. And nothing could stand in my way of reading it (in one night, as it turns out). Basically I have hemmed and hawed for the past few weeks until two weeks ago when I finally buckled down and started working.

Yes, I am the queen of procrastination. However, the work I am doing is actually really good. I have done some heavy revising of the original work and I think it just keeps getting better. For the first time, I am actually really proud of my writing.

I don't want to sound conceited, but creative writing has always been pretty easy for me to get by with. That's not to say it is astounding or even good, but passable. I have always had trouble with revising because I hate rereading my work. When I was younger I was so stubborn and full of myself that I figured whatever I wrote was good enough and didn't need revising.

Needless to say, God has humbled me and I am thankful for it everyday. Aside from having the most beautiful baby in the world, I see the flaws in my life, but have grown enough to work on them. My writing is a big area that this blessing as touched. Rather than seeing my revisions as an admission of failure, I see them as a gift of growth.

If anyone has some spare time and wants to help, I love having other people read my work and comment. This is also a new trend--I am receptive to constructive criticism rather than getting defensive. Of course if you're just going to tell me it sucks, well that's not really helpful. Anyways, I am back to work. I may post and excerpt later today. Keep sending creative vibes my way!

Narrative Design

2007-06-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

Despite all my good intentions, I haven’t done much writing on my thesis as of late. I have, however, been doing a pasel of reading and pre-writing. Today, for example, I spent part of the day rereading “Double Indemnity” by James M. Cain (most people are more familiar with the movie—Barbara Stanwyck remains one of the great femme fatales of all time) and breaking it down using Madison Smartt Bell’s analysis techniques and the Freitag triangle. One of the member’s of my advisory committee teaches Bell’s Narrative Design in class, so I think it is a good approach to take. After the breakdown is complete, I will write some scenes of Lancelot and Guinevere to mirror the structure. I hope it is effective. My goal is not to copy Cain, but to capture the essence of his design to tell this part of the story in a very specific way.

Boring, you say? Perhaps to some. To me it’s interesting and really challenging. For the first time I feel like I am really stepping outside my comfort zone as a writer and experimenting with things. Now, it could all be a dismal failure that ends in a rewrite, but I’m hoping something wonderful will come from it. In working with Cain’s writing I have already made some changes to my original plan regarding point of view. Initially I planned to only write in the first person as Mordred, but after looking at the narrative design, I have added two more points of view. Now the challenge is to get really specific with each character so that their voices are distinct.

One of my weakest points has always been dialogue. I hate writing it because tags annoy me. With the exception of JK Rowling, I despise tags that just repeat “he said” “she said,” coloring them only with the occasional adverb. So I have really been studying dialogue that appeals to me. Cain does really well as does JD Salinger in his short stories.

I know much of this is meaningless to most people (save perhaps Marty, my aunt Lynn, and my cousin Jim—all three of whom could humble me in my mediocrity), but I really feel that I am going to come out of this thesis much stronger and both a writer and an analyzer. Fingers crossed.

The Game is On

2007-05-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

I survived this semester! Sometimes I can’t believe I am done with all my course work. I ended up with an A in my class, which means I will graduate with a 4.0 from Sul Ross since all I have left are credit courses. My prospectus was approved only some minor corrections to my MLA format. So this summer I am writing my thesis then I will defend it in the fall and take my exams in October. And then I am fini!

I have been working a little on the thesis. I was really inspired after reading John Fowles The French Lieutenant’s Woman for class, so I have been playing with a more post-modern structure and meta-physical narrative techniques. I am also getting to know Mordred as a character, really getting a feel for who Mordred is to me as opposed to who he is to other people. I know that is one of the major questions of my thesis—what makes my retelling different? Why rewrite a classic?

I realize as I am typing this that I haven’t really detailed what my thesis is about. Basically, it is a retelling of the Arthurian legend from Mordred’s point of view. Of course, it won’t be an entire novel. Instead I am writing the first half. At the moment, I have outlined eight chapters and a prologue. The prologue and first chapter are in pretty good shape and I am currently working on the third chapter. Generally, I don’t write things in order. I write them as the mood and inspiration strike me. Perhaps this is why the playfulness and games of post-modern structure appeal to me.

I am also enjoying reading on the side for pleasure for the first time in a long time. I just finished Phillipa Gregory’s The Boleyn Inheritance and loved it. I am thinking of getting her Other Boleyn Girl because I hear it is even better. Of course, the world will stop come July 21st as I drink in the wonder of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It’s going to be amazing. I just know it.

Closing the Gap

2007-04-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

It has been a terribly long time since I posted, mainly because the semester has hit its crunch and I am overwhelmed by work, school, and mommyhood.

Following my completion of Bleak House and Jane Eyre, I plunged into Jude the Obscure and To the Lighthouse. Jude was bleakly depressing, although Thomas Hardy does make some important strides. To the Lighthouse is a practice in steam-of-consciousness writing and thus a little more challenging to read. This was also layered on writing my midterm (which I thankfully pulled an A+ on) and researching my final project.

I had class this past weekend and although it was tiring, I came away from it sad that my forays into literary discussion are so limited. I also wish some of the people in my class weren’t such morons. Seriously, it’s graduate school people; let’s get a little bit of a clue.

I am currently reading Wide Sargasso Sea and working on my final project about music in Jane Austen’s Emma. It’s more complicated than that, but I will save that for another post. After that it is on to reading The French Lieutenant’s Woman and then I am done! I’ll be glad to be finished, but I will miss class.

I turned in my prospectus the yesterday and am waiting to get notes back on it. The scope of this thesis is much bigger and more detailed than I originally imagined, but I think if I can pull off my intentions, it will be a good work. That is assuming I can defend it. Sigh. Back to reading.

End of the Bleak

2007-03-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! I have finished Bleak House! And honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought in the end. Of course, I sort of crammed the last seven pages because Liliana was screaming full throttle while I was trying to read them, but I refused to give up. Constant Diligence!

I spent the better part of today transposing my notes from the novel (including my character list) and referencing page numbers I had jotted down while reading (so I would know in class what about that page caught my attention). The rest was spent polishing my handouts and notes for the novel genre presentation I have to give Saturday morning on the Gothic genre. I think it is descent and hopefully will be informative without sinking into the dreaded dragon of Boredom (that’s a Bleak House reference, for those not in the Dickens know).

I have also been pushing through what seems like an endless stream of Arthurian lit websites and texts piecing together my prospectus bibliography. It’s funny looking at what I’ve got thus far, because the inspiration has come from so many places. There is something incredibly strange about seeing Stephen King listed with T.H. White, but such is my inspiration.

I must sheepishly admit that I have not touched the actual thesis text in about a month. I made it into chapter two and got side tracked with everything else going on. Sigh.

Since I finished everything for this weekend ahead of schedule, perhaps I can delve more into the prospectus and thesis tomorrow. That or catch up on three weeks of untouched Entertainment Weekly that I haven’t had time to read. Hmmm...

PS. I am humbly proud of my calling Alan Arkin’s Oscar win, as well as The Departed. I did watch Babel before the ceremony and still like The Departed much better. And Martin Scorsese rocks—cried at his speech and how truly touched he seemed. YAY!!!!!

Off Topic...but much more fun...

2007-02-23T07:29:00.000-08:00

Although I am still not done with Bleak House—two hundred pages left, folks—this Sunday I will be taking a vacation from academia to observe one of my favorite nights of the year.

Sunday night brings us the overblown, oft irrelevant, but totally fascinating (at least for me) Oscar awards. This night is at once everything I love and hate about Hollywood—fashion, actors acting entitled (seriously, it is no one’s God given right to win an award), topical comedy, and arbitrary dance numbers (seriously, did anyone watch last year? They had dancing pimps.).

Once upon a time I saw every best picture and most of the other major category movies, sometimes before the nominations were even made. Now I live in Midland, where they will play Norbit on two screens, but have never even heard of Babel. However, one of my greatest (albeit totally useless) gifts is the ability to talk about movies in depth without having seen them. A few of them I have actually seen, others I have seen large portions of on the internet, and the rest I have read about. I also take into consideration awards show behavior up to the big night. That being said, here are my thoughts on some of the big categories.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls—This girl has won most every major award this season and has a fantastic “I was kicked off of idol” story to boost her. Her performance was vocally fantastic and she managed to snatch the movie from much bigger stars, some with the golden guy sitting at home already. Her big song definitely brings the house down, but I wish she better knew what to do with her body in the number. And she still isn’t Jennifer Holiday, who originated Effie on Broadway. But she’ll be so sweet on the podium.

Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine—Adorable, precocious, and not your typical child actor. Her triumphant scream following the fate changing answering machine message and her final dance number are fantastic and some of the most sincere moments in film this year. However, she is not Anna Paquin in The Piano and would need to be for a child performance to beat Hudson. Let’s hope for big things for her in the future.

Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal—I will start by saying I love Cate in anything, I think she was robbed by Gwenyth. And it is difficult for her to play a sympathetic character when she is essentially playing a pedophile. Kudos, but she won this award two years ago.

Rinko Kikuchi and Adriana Barraza, Babel—I have not seen either of these ladies (although I will on Saturday), but in general movies with two nominations usually cancel each other out. I know Kikuchi plays a deaf teenager and it is impressive to give a strong performance with no words. Barraza, on the other hand, actually put her health in danger for her desert scenes. Now that’s commitment. But I think for both these ladies the nomination is honor enough.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls—Of the four acting categories, this is the one place there might be an upset. Murphy is definitely the frontrunner, having taken home the SAG and Globe awards. Prior to those awards I was pulling for Murphy because his turn as a James Brown-esq singer is really electric. However, during his acceptance speeches, he has an arrogance and act of entitlement that really puts me off. That coming from the man who made Pluto Nash is a little much. He will most likely win and I hope his speech makes me like him better than I do right now.

Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children—Playing another sympathetic pedophile, the former child star is the years big comeback story. And Oscar loves a comeback (Kim Basinger, LA Confidential), but not usually enough for the award (John Travolta, Pulp Fiction). Congrats on your nomination.

Mark Wahlberg, The Departed—As the only acting nomination in a film of fantastic performances, this is a big deal for the former Funky Bunch boy. That being said, his performance, while funny and crackling, is not the film’s best. Plus, all the Oscar love for this movie is going to two words: Martin Scorsese.

Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond—I thought this performance was good, but a little one note. Just not strong enough for me.

Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine—I loved this performance. His drug abusing, stripper choreography generating, foul mouthed grandpa is just fantastic. The scene in the hotel where he tells his self-conscious granddaughter that he loves her not because she’s smart or talented, but because she is so beautiful is just wonderful. His character checks out early, which could count against him. But this could be a James Coburn, Jack Palance win—the award for a lifetime of amazing work. He is the most likely to upset and I hope he does.

BEST ACTOR:

Leonanrdo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond—Good performance in a so-so movie. He should have been nominated for The Departed. His work in that film is devastating and definitely the best of his career. Too bad. His year will come, but not this year.

Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland—He has won every award known to man for his role as the Uganda dictator. Sure, his role is more of a supporting role, but he is going to go the Anthony Hopkins route and win for playing a sociopath monster with limited screen time. He’s sweet in his speeches and humble, so congratulations to him.

Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson—His work as a junky inspirational teacher is good, but it’s just the beginning of his career. There are bigger and better things to come from him.

Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness—The most commercial work of the bunch and Smith’s least muggy performance to date. But it just doesn’t have the depth of Whitaker or the complexity of O’Tool.
Peter O’Tool, Venus—It is astounding to me that this member of the British All-Stars has never won an Oscar, despite seven nominations. His work in Venus is not the best in his career (I vote Lawrence of Arabia for that one), but he could upset Whitaker if the academy is feeling sentimental. Had he not won the honorary award a few years back, I think his chances would be stronger. Too bad—he gave a very charming speech.

BEST ACTRESS:

Kate Winslet, Little Children—Love her, love her work. But like DiCaprio, her year will come, just not this year.

Penelope Cruz, Volver—Didn’t see it, but generally I don’t think she’s that great of an actress. Perhaps she’s better in her own language. Doesn’t matter, it’s not her year.

Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal—Love her, love her work. It’s not her year.

Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada—She was verocious and delicious as Miranda Preistly, but comedies rarely win in this category (Diane Keaton is a rare exception), she has two already, and it’s just not her year.

These assessments may seem short, but there is a reason. Every other person in this category is superfluous. Because it is the year of ...
Helen Mirren, The Queen—There will be no upset, there will be no surprise. Mirren is a goddess and this movie is the best work of her life. She has won everything but the Kentucky Derby for her role as Elizabeth II and she will take home a much deserved Oscar. It is hard to play a real person, it is even harder to play a real person still living. She makes the dowdy Queen appealing, girlish and human and her speeches are charming. (She has actually used the phrase Ass over Tits!) Brava to her: this is her year.

BEST DIRECTOR:
I refuse to even name any of the other nominees because I refuse to accept anyone but the one, the only

MARTIN SCORSESE

The Departed is a fantastic film and he has been a bridesmaid too long. Rock on you NYU alum! Rock on.

BEST PICTURE:

This is actually one race that is up in the air. The Queen’s big win will be Mirren, so that is pretty much out. Letters from Iwo Jima has a few things against it: it’s in Japanese and Clint just won this category. Little Miss Sunshine might upset like it did at the SAG awards, but not likely. So the two big contenders:

BABEL—Won the Globe and a big cast with lots of messages. But some say it is too close to the director’s former work, 21 Grams. I am seeing this Saturday, so I will probably have a better idea then.

THE DEPARTED—Scrosese may get all the love for this picture, but I hope not. Babel would really have to rock me to surpass my feelings for this film. Great directing, amazing performances—this is my pick.

So those are my thoughts. I could be right, I could be very wrong. But one way or another, I’m going to be entertained.

The Bleak Trudge

2007-02-20T06:21:00.000-08:00

It’s been a few weeks now and I have blanked out about updating this, mostly because of the work pile that came tumbling down my first weekend in Alpine. Emma and Joseph Andrews were discussed at length. I ended up talking too much because Dr. Hileman would ask questions only to be greeted with dead silence. At one point she had to say, “Will someone who is not Amber answer the question?” So I shut up.

I had my meeting with Dr. H about my prospectus and thesis. We decided on my thesis committee—Dr. Butler and Dr. Nelson in addition to Dr. H. Dr. Butler taught my creative writing class last spring and I have had Dr. Nelson twice before. I think they are both smart, good ladies who won’t totally trash me when it comes time for my defense. I was actually surprised to learn that for my actual thesis I don’t have to write a whole novel, only a portion of it. As for the actual prospectus, it won’t be too tough. About five pages of narrative, an outline, and a five to six page bibliography due by the middle of April. Not so much the butt-kicker as I expected.

For the next weekend, I have already finished Jane Eyre, which I really liked. I have some discussion questions that I am about a third of the way through. I’m also pushing my way through Dickens’ Bleak House. It has some funny sections, but, being Dickens there are about a million characters with interweaving storylines and two separate narrators. I have had to start writing down some of the characters because I just can’t keep track of all the lawyers and scribes and random folks wandering through the novel.

Aside from that I’m patching together a presentation on the Gothic novel. It is so great to be surprised when you study something you smugly thought you knew about. I keep losing my way in theory essays that go much deeper than is necessary. It reminds me how much I love learning and indicates that while it may be a while before I take up the mantle again, this masters won’t be the last stop on my educational journey.

Emma and Joseph

2007-01-31T08:27:00.000-08:00

I finished Emma relatively easily. I had skimmed it a few years ago, but never really read it. Of course, I am a member of the generation that will always associate Emma with Clueless. But I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. It’s a great example of someone taking the themes and characters of a classic and reinterpreting them in a modern way while still staying true to the heart of the work.

I have to recommend the version I read, Emma (Case Study in Contemporary Criticism) because it had some great critical essays. There is an especially good one on gossip and free indirect style as they come together in the Austen world.

At the moment I am a little over halfway through Joseph Andrews by Henry Fielding (most people associate him with Tom Jones). It’s a pretty easy read, funny, but sometimes a bit self-indulgent. But what novel isn’t?

The reading load is going to continue getting heavier as the semester goes along, so Liliana is getting an early exposure to British literature. She will sometimes let me read while she plays, but then she wants interaction. So I read to her from the books using funny voices, which she responds to.

I honestly haven’t touched my thesis. I have done some brainstorming and made some notes on ways to incorporate things from other of my classes. This weekend is my first class weekend, so I should be meeting with Dr. H to start plowing forward. And of course, the threat of my master’s exams is simmering in the back of my mind, but I am trying to ignore it at this point.

What have I done?

2007-01-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

Sure, I'll knock out a thesis. No big. I mean, it would be foolish not to, being an English major and all. Right?

Wrong. That's what I'm thinking now that my thesis is no longer a mythical animal of bedtime stories. It is in fact, a full blooded monster looming over me as the semester begins and I register for a class with the foreboding title of 6301: Prospectus.

Crap.

My advisor/head of the department/mentor/also teaching my other class this semester professor, Dr. Hileman, has sent the request that I register for 6301 aka Doomsday to begin submitting aforementioned Prospectus for this semester. Umm...okay. Not exactly sure how one might do that (while also reading eight dense tidbits for Dr. H’s British Novel course—more on that below). Dr. H sent a vague email with mentions of sample chapters and introductions and some threat of a bibliography. Now I am doing, at Dr. H’s suggestion, a creative thesis. Easy, n’est pas? Oh contrar.

Here is how the whole thing went down: Last semester I took Arthurian Literature online from Dr. H. Early in the semester I enquired if I might volley my final project into a thesis. Sure, said the good PhD. That was BL (Before Liliana). Flash forward to the end of the semester: I can’t handle the pressure of writing a research paper that will dictate my entire thesis. All too befuddling was the idea of spending an eventual 200 plus pages meditating on the evolution of Guinevere from the Celtic myths. In depth research on the role of contemporary to the period politics as influences on popular interpretations of the Arthurian myth? Not so much. So at the last minute I bucked the research angle and dove into a two chapter (well one prologue and one chapter) creative writing exercise, crossing my fingers that it would get me out of the course with a 4.0 and I could live the fight the thesis topic another day.

Wouldn’t you know Dr. H loved the creative piece and decided I should really finish it as my thesis? No sweat. Just have to finish the story. Wait...what?

So here I am. On top of that I am taking the British Novel class. Couldn’t be the British Sound Bite? Who knew Bleak House is like 700 pages long? Not me. So for the first weekend in February I am devouring Emma and Joseph Andrews. Say goodbye to Cat in the Hat, Liliana. Jane Austen will be lulling you to sleep, baby doll.

This blog is created as a place for me to chronicle my work and keep my sanity in the coming months without intruding on the other blog and its focus: pictures of Liliana. I hardly think people want to click to see pictures of my little cherub and instead get an earful on the difficulties of structuring a climax in a non-linear, post modern structure. Gah!